Steven Myer -West Side Middle School
Memory: Steven Myers - West Side Middle School

Don't ask me why but I had a crush on Steven Myer. He was in my home room class and he was cute, a bit over weight, into sports and smart.

I think one of the things that attracted me to Steven was the fact that I thought he was smart. Back then the school had classes or teams to represent the academic level of the students. The
A-Team was the straight A+/B students and the
B-Team was the B/C students and the C-Team was the C/D students or something like that. Steven was of course on the A-Team and you'll never guess what team I was on? Any way.

I would write Stevn some of the most beautiful love letters. I'm sure he thought the letters were corny and I don't think he cared to receive them either. One of the letters read something like "Like ink fades on this paper I don't want to fade from your memory." Oh yeah I was deep back then. I don't know what happened but I eventually stopped writing him the letters. I think he might of even asked me to stop. Life went on and we graduated and he went to Kennedy High and I to Kaynor Tech.

I sometimes think of Steven and wonder what ever became of him. I always pictured him going off to collage and becoming a lawyer or something. Of course that is the nice picture I painted of him. He could very well be a fat Al Bundy, hand in his pants watching TV and yelling for his wife to get him another beer.

Hello. It's been a long time since I last visited my blog page/site. It's funny and interesting to look back on what you've written in the past.

Bad Memory : West Side Middle School. I had a long white T-shirt that had a neon green and red Micky Mouse silhouette on it. I liked the shirt a lot. It was a T-shirt I was able to purchase at
K-Mart as part of my "back to school" wardrobe. (It was the 80's neon was in). Any way there was this girl in school named Wendy Waters and she kind of hung with the cool, or what I thought was the cool, crowd. You know the one's who cut class, didn't do home work, and hung out in the bathrooms all the time. (To think I actually thought that behavior was cool at one time. It makes me sick to think about it now). It was lunch time and my classmates and I were gathered at the lunch tables. Each person in their own little click at their own self assigned table. I was a table away from Wendy and she started calling my name and telling me she liked my shirt. I thought "Great one of the cool kids likes something I have!" The lunch room was loud and buzzing and Wendy yelled over the noise and asked me where I had gotten the shirt. I yelled back "K-Mart". Wendy yelled again asking me where I had gotten the shirt and I yelled back "K-Mart". I then realized the kids at the table where Wendy was sitting were all laughing at me. Why were they laughing? Aparently the rags they wore weren't bought at "K-Mart". Wendy and all her cool friends aparently tried to act as if they shopped at G-Fox or JC Pennies and that shopping at K-Mart was beneath them. And ya know I probably wouldn't of minded being made fun of so much if that were the case, that Wendy and all her scank friends shopped at G-Fox or JC Pennies but looking at what they wore it was clear to see that they were lucky if they shopped at the salvation army store. They all wore close that were too small for them or stained and ripped. Any way I went home that day and took off the Micky Mouse shirt and never wore it again.

This memory of Wendy sufaces every time I sit with my children and watch the movie Chicken Little because I think Wendy (from what I remember of her)looks just like the character Foxy Loxy. Foxy Loxy is brown the color of Wendy's short nappy hair and Foxy Loxy has that snout that sticks way out and Wendy's face was shapped like that too, where her chin, mouth and nose stuck out from the rest of her body. In the movie Foxy Loxy is also a bully.

I need to pray in order to forgive Wendy for the mental scar she left on my life. I'm just not ready to forgive her yet, not that I think it would even matter to her if I saw her on the street. I'll have to pray.

I've been thinking about my past and my childhood. There are certain things I remember that I wish I didn't remember.

Lisa's and the pornographic magazines she conned me into stealing from my uncle. My uncle kept these magazines in the cellar in a room that was always dark. He would tell me that if I went into that room the boogie man would get me. For years I believed in the boogie man. Even to this day I am afraid of the dark and believe in the boogie man. Any way. With Lisa's's egging on I survived the boogie man and stole a few pornographic magazines and went with her to her house. We sat in her room on her bed looking in awe at the pictures of naked flesh before us. This was the first time I realized a black man was black all over (I was only five or six years old at the time). After we had our fill I wanted to take the magazines and put them back but Lisa's swore she had an excellent hiding place where her mom would never find these things. I was the fool who believed her. A few days later I remember coming home with my grandmother and uncle to find a paper bag on our front stoop. My grandmother looked inside the bag then gave me a strange look. Some how I thought I was in trouble but didn't know for what or why. The day went on and no one said boo to me. I was siting on the couch across the room from my grandmother when the phone rang. It was Lisa's'a mother and all I remember is my grandmother hanging up the phone and my mother storming out of her bed room grabbing me and giving me the spanking of my life!!! That was the first and last time I ever remember my mother spanking me. Lisa's never did apologize.

Prior to this pornographic magazine incident I looked up to Lisa's a lot. She was older and more mature and I always wanted to hang with her but she never really liked me. Her and her friend Gege would get together and make fun of me. I remember I went over to Lisa's's house one afternoon and found her and Gege playing house. They didn't even know I was there watching. I must of watched them for a while then realizing they would never let me play with them I left. I don't think I ever went back to try and play with Lisa's after that. I did however hang with her brother Tony.

I never forgave Lisa's for being so mean to me. I wrote corny threatening letters to her when I was older. But now I am ready to forgive. I forgive Lisa's for hurting me. Her personality is not in all her fault. If I could I would ask her to forgive me for writing those stupid letters I was so silly and childish and maybe not even in my right mind. I wouldn't expect her to forgive me though. She might have changed over the years but when I knew her forgiveness didn't seem to be a part of her personality. I've asked God for forgiveness and that's what I feel is most important.

Tony her brother was ok. I hurt him though. I did things to that kid that I pray God forgives me for. I learned things from older boys (things a five year old should not learn until they are much older) these things I learned I tried to do with Tony. Any way. I would ask Tony's forgiveness too if I could but I now ask for God's forgiveness. I at one time had a crush on Tony too. I heard through the grape vine he is a fire fighter now.


Things you carry with you through out life. Memories good and bad these things can mess with your mind. You just have to let these things go. I'm trying to let things go. Little by little.


I've been trying to get pregnant again. No luck so far.

Kyra is a pritty name for a girl don't you think? How about Ziza? I'll have to look up their meanings.

I honestly don't know how other women deal with this type of situation but I'd like to know.

My husband Paul was hurt on the job almost two years ago. We did the whole Workman's comp thing and received a small, very small settlement. Paul had surgery on his knee to try and correct the knee problem and make it usable without pain. The doctors told Paul he could no longer do construction plumbing, to which he made a good living at. Paul now had to become a desk jockey and learn a new trade. Workman's comp is sending Paul to a small technical school to learn computer aided drafting or CAD.

For a while I was working full time to pay our rent and bills and Paul was doing the Mr. Mom thing. Then Tatty (our daughter) became ill with a sevear iron deficiency. Paul needed me home to help care for her as she didn't want him to care for her she wanted me and at times was uncontrollable. I quite my job because they would not accommodate me in needing time off. (My work place had been real good to me and understanding up till this point because I had taken so much time off prior to this).

We were living off money we had gotten from my mother-in-laws death because Paul nor I were working at this point. Tatty became better within a few weeks and I soon saw that making the hasty decision to quit my job was a wrong choice.

Early in August we received a letter from the new owners of our apartment house. They were asking us to leave by November. We figured we would be asked to leave but were that the request came so soon. The landlords never gave us a reason as to why they wanted us out. We can only speculate and that's a whole other journal entry !!!

We starting looking for apartments. The main problem we had was that no one wanted to rent to us because we have three young kids. I had one woman hang up on me as soon as she found out we had three young children. One guy told us, after meeting us and the kids, that his wife mysteriously had already rented the apartment without him knowing it. apartments were going for as much as $1,500 to $2,000 a month. Paul and I figured why bother renting for that price whan we could buy a house and pay that for a mortgage.

We started looking for a house. At that time Paul had a job working in the drafting field three days a week bringing home $300 to $400 a week. Then his boss closed the doors to the business because it was too slow. So right in the middle of us applying for a home loan Paul looses his job.

Long story short we did buy a home. Beautiful little house with three bedrooms. The house was truly meant for us or so we thought. Now we are moved in and have no way to pay for this house because Paul still isn't working.

I would go back to work only what I would make would not even cover our $2,000 a month mortgage.

I don't know what to do about Paul's unemployment problem. We could loose this house. Or the way I look at it we could loose our home. I just don't know what to do.

It's getting to the point where I don't even like Paul any more and I'm resenting him. I feel as if Paul isn't doing enough to find a job and I even wonder if he is trying at all! There are days he sits at his computer saying he is going through the want ads on line and applying on line for this or that job but I wonder if he really is applying!

I don't know what to do any more. I just keep praying and praying to God that some thing will work out. I just don't know what to do.

I love watching the show "Blow Out" it's about a hairstylist name Johnathan who is opened his second salon in West Hollywood and is making his way in life. A lot of drama and some awsome hair styles.

I've been wondering a lot lately what my life would be like if I was allowed and encuraged to follow my dream of becoming an actress. I have faith I would of suceeded at becoming a good actress as I love the art. I just wish I was encouraged to follow that dream. I was about seven or eight when I told my mom I wanted to persue acting. My mom told me that in order for me to study acting I would have to move away and live by myself. Well when you're eight and all you know is "mom" the thought of living without mom is scary!!!! I never brought up acting again. I feel my mom killed my dream in one short breath with what she said.

I also at one time thought I might like to study to become a lawyer. My mom told me we would never have the money for me to go to college. My mom the great encourager.

Paul and I were talking late last night. We agreed that we like the way our lives have been turning out. We often wonder what "would of been" if our lives went the way we had planned but we relish the fact that our lives didn't turn out the way our parents planned.